So the day began as any other normal day except that Beckett had an ear infection and was exhibiting a larger than normal amount of fussiness. He stayed home from Mother's Day Out with a fever, meaning I was not going to get much work done that day. So the day was spent juggling the B, work, a very small amount of house cleaning and preparation for that evening's Girls Small Group. For our girls group we have been watching a video series by Priscilla Shirer on hearing from God. So I had been previewing the session, thinking over some discussion questions, and praying over our evening. I was feeling confident and looking forward to the evening. Kevin would be babysitting for a couple hours so I could head to group so I deftly whipped up a frozen pizza and inhaled a piece or two on the walk over to my neighbor's. Mistake #1.
Ok so you still have time to skip ahead and just look at the pictures. Please. Ok fine then don't.
So I arrive at my neighbors house ready to get started. She had so kindly baked a cheese cake for us, which is super because without yummy snacks I'm pretty sure no one would show up. It was delicious. I gobbled it up and topped it off with the rest of my diet coke. Mistake #2
A few girls trickled in, and we chatted for a bit before we got started with the video. My neighbor had us all set up and ready to go (I'm always impressed when women know how to work the DVD player remote. I have just recently had victory in this area of my life.) So the session is supposed to last about 20 min or so. I'm listening trying to see if I missed anything from my previous viewing, wondering what the other girls are thinking and what is speaking to them. Not too far into the session, though, I start to feel a little uncomfortable. It's my stomach. It has thought of a funny joke to play on me in retribution for stuffing down too much junk.
Yes I begin to have a bit of gas. Just a bit. I'm easily able to contain most of it and still concentrate on the video. Over the years I've learned the same tricks I'm sure every other girl with similar trouble has. The crossing and uncrossing of the legs. The tensing of the buttocks. Shuffling noises to cover up the other noises. These were all sufficient for now. I was fairly sure no one was aware of my "discomfort." So I waited it out hoping it would pass. (pun not intended. ok maybe just a little) Mistake #3
Three strikes you're out. The video has finished and I'm on. Its the dreaded discussion time. Everyone is looking at me hoping I will not leave us all sitting too long in awkward silence. And I'm hoping the same about them. Please tell us your deepest thoughts and feelings about this video that you've just seen and only had minutes to process so I won't have come up with something to fill the silence. It wasn't going really great. The confidence and excitement from earlier in the day about the topic were quickly waning. They just didn't seem as inspired as I had imagined they would be. To make matters worse, my tricks were beginning to fail me. One of those fun facts that they never tell you about birthing babies. It changes stuff. Things just don't work the same. That's all I'm going to say.
So right about the time I jump in to fill the silence and attempt to communicate my earlier passion, the gas escapes. There's nothing I can do. Not once. Not twice. But three times. It's loud. It's gross. It's impossible to ignore. But the show must go on so I just try to talk over it. Louder to try to distract from the noise. A hopeless cause. I'm pretty sure the next few sentences were completely unintelligible. I was so embarrassed I couldn't think. You can imagine. I'm sure everyone else was so embarrassed they couldn't listen. But what else could I do. So I limped along for another 10 minutes or so trying to inspire these ladies to worship and freedom. What a laugh. I closed us with a rambling prayer that included about 25 "um"s. We chatted for a minute or two and then I pretty much ran the whole way home (like a block. don't be impressed). All I could think was no way that just happened. Kevin tried to comfort me after he stopped laughing, but somehow it didn't seem to help. I'm sure I'll be able to move on with time, but for now I felt that my first step on the road to recovery was to to let it all out. to get it all out in the open. to clear the air. sorry. I'm shameless.
So the moral of the story is...never lead a small group discussion after stuffing your face 15 minutes before or... never lead a small group discussion unless you've taken your gasx... or after birthing a baby do your kegels.
On another note...Here's my sweet Beckett