Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Both and

It's weird how both grief and happiness can coexist, how at the same time you are hurting, you are thankful. You're having fun, and yet the tears still fall. You are staying busy but still feel the moments move in slower motion.
  My heart is still heavy a lot, but it comes in shorter spurts at random, mixed in with all the other loud, chaotic, happy, busy times. I miss the exit for Chickfila because I'm randomly reliving the moment I saw Everett. I'm sitting playing with the boys and then wondering if Everett has pretty eyelashes like Beckett. I'm chatting with my gals then over hearing Beckett tell his friends that mom had a baby in her tummy, but he died. It's hard in the middle of the fun in the middle of the normal. It's weird. 
  Some days seem back to normal, and I don't know how I feel about that yet. Then other days, I know I'm different. Life is different. And I want to hold onto that. Maybe I hold on to different because I want Everett to be real even though he isn't here. Maybe because I don't want to forget. Maybe because I don't want everyone else to forget. Maybe because I've known His presence in a way I never have, and I still need His peace and hope and love and purpose to face the day. Maybe because I don't want to go back to living without leaning into His Word. It has changed me, and I am so thankful. Already God has used Everett to make His name great in my heart and mind. I'm eager to see what He will continue to do...

  A friend sent me this song, and I have loved it. It comes from all the scripture I've been reading and rereading these past weeks, so I wanted to pass it on. I tried the best I could to find the references so maybe someone else could find that same strength and hope, purpose and comfort from the Word that I have found.

I come, God, I come - Ps 71:1-3, Heb 4:15-16
I return to the Lord - Is 30:15, Deut 4:29-31, Jer 24:6-7, Hosea 6:1
The one who’s broken - Ps 51:8,
The one who’s torn me apart - Hosea 6:1
You strike down to bind me up - Job 5:18, Ps 147:3
You say you do it all in love - Ro 8:28, 32, 38-39; Ro 5:3-5; Lam 3: 31-32
That I might know you in your suffering - Phil 3:10

Though you slay me - Job 13:15
Yet I will praise you - Ps 43:5, Hab 3:17-19
Though you take from me - Job 1:21, Ps 96:2
I will bless your name - Ps 100:1-5
Though you ruin me - Job 2:3
Still I will worship - Job 1:20-21
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need - Ps 96:1, Phil 4:19

My heart and flesh may fail - Ps 73:26
The earth below give way - Ps 46
But with my eyes, with my eyes I’ll see the Lord - Ps 27:13, Job 42:5
Lifted high on that day - Ps 27:5-6, Job 5:11
Behold, the Lamb that was slain - Rev 5:12
And I’ll know every tear was worth it all - 1Pet 1:6-9

Though tonight I’m crying out - Ps 57:1-3, Ps 69:1-3
Let this cup pass from me now - Mt 26:39
You’re still more than I need - Eph 3:20-21, Phil 4:19
You’re enough for me - Ps 23, Lam 3:19-24
You’re enough for me

2 Cor 4
[Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.

I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.

When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.

Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.]

Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need

1 comment:

Gayle said...

You don't know me but, I worked with Meg years ago at Millard Henry and am friends with Angie Newton.I lost my son of 37, 2 years ago. I've been struggling since, trying to find my way through the grief and the despair. your words touched my heart and my soul tonight. I wrote down all of the scripture references from the beautiful song and am going to meditate on them. Thank you for blessing me with your words tonight. I am so sorry for your recent loss. Gayle Caldwell