Rogers Square Life

It's been one of those weeks, one of those weeks where I am just a crazy person. I hope you don't periodically turn into a crazy person like I do. I gotta tell you it's not great. I yelled, I argued, I worried too much, I did no laundry or dishes or sweeping (not that that is anything new really), I ate hostess cakes. I gave up. Satan has perfected for me a personally customized invitation to despair. He knows just the right timing, when all the stars align and the yucky circumstances mount. He knows just the thoughts to throw, the lies to tell to tempt me to hopelessness. This week I closed my eyes and let him lead me there; but my Savior knows about despair. He has been to the darkest places and returned the victor. His long arms of grace can reach into any deep pit. His love is deeper still. He used a note that a precious messenger of His love posted awhile ago to shine his light on me. She said, " When I think about hope, one word comes to mind: Jesus.  He is my ...

  It's been a hard month filled with lots of challenges with my kids and with lots of reminders that Everett won't be here. All the reminders make it hard to keep smiling, hard to hold the tears at bay and hard to breath sometimes. Grief is sometimes so very conflicting. Some days I really do want to be fine, but I keep finding my heart is still broken.   I sat a little while ago at my table with my coffee and my bible trying to read and find some joy, but as I reviewed the last weeks and thought about facing this next month, the hardest one of all with Christmas minus 1 and then my due date, all I managed was to question, "God, can you see? The pain just keeps mounting, and I have no idea how I'm going to face it." But with my head in my hands and the tears making a nice pool on the table, He faithfully answered, "Yes, I am here, and I see you, and you are blessed because you mourn for I will comfort you." His answer to me got me thinking. I'm not ...

I've been lately questioning how much pride and vanity have taken over in my life. My beginning struggle against them, though, has only made me realize how tightly bound I am. I recently read some questions... Do you often compare yourself to others and how they look? Do you frequently wonder what other people are saying and thinking about how you look or how successful you are? Which is your higher priority, gaining the positive opinion of others or pointing others to Christ? When you walk in a room (that assumably has other people in it), who do you think about most: Christ, the other people, yourself?  Um yeah, I got an F. (Yes, I am still grading myself with school letters. Yes, I need to work on that too. Yes, I do wish life was as easy as a school test. Those I can do. Life is way harder.) Anyway, I've been thinking about it a lot and realizing just how deep the rabbit hole goes.  Then I remembered something my Dad had done after God had changed his heart and life so com...

     It's weird how both grief and happiness can coexist, how at the same time you are hurting, you are thankful. You're having fun, and yet the tears still fall. You are staying busy but still feel the moments move in slower motion.      My heart is still heavy a lot, but it comes in shorter spurts at random, mixed in with all the other loud, chaotic, happy, busy times. I miss the exit for Chickfila because I'm randomly reliving the moment I saw Everett. I'm sitting playing with the boys and then wondering if Everett has pretty eyelashes like Beckett. I'm chatting with my gals then over hearing Beckett tell his friends that mom had a baby in her tummy, but he died. It's hard in the middle of the fun in the middle of the normal. It's weird.       Some days seem back to normal, and I don't know how I feel about that yet. Then other days, I know I'm different. Life is different. And I want to hold onto that. Maybe I hold on to different be...

One month ago today we had a miscarriage and delivered our sweet baby Everett at 14 wks. It's been a hard month, and I'm sure it will continue to be very difficult. I miss him deeply. And yet as I remember the last weeks and feel the loss, I know I have been given so much. So very thankful that sweet Everett is. Thankful I got to carry him for a short while and hold him for a moment. Thankful for a faithful Father who is love to hold him forever. So thankful for His word that has been my light and my path and my comfort and my joy. So thankful that He has drawn near in our sorrow. He has been so faithful to be my hiding place on days that are dark, my hope and my purpose, and my strength to press on. Read somewhere recently that Everett means 'courageous and unending praise'. I am thankful my baby will spend his days in unending praise, so today it is His praises that I will also sing. "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord...